Fake Cover Letter
Fake Resume
Fake Follow Up Letter
Really Bad Resume Advice
Fake Project Update to Boss Memo
Job Terms You Will Never See in Real Life
Voodoo Doll
Gee, I'm Almost Sorry
I Quit, You Loser
Of Course You're Happy With Your Salary
How A Job Fairy Resume Looks on Monster


By Shocking Pink, a Job Fairy
(With apologies to Max Ehrmann's "Desiderata")


Go stealthily amid the noise and haste, and remember what cover there may be in not being noticed.

As far as possible, without losing sight of your own goals, be on good terms with all persons who can help you.

Speak your truth only if you want to get canned; and listen to others, especially the dull and ignorant; they are usually your supervisors, plus you can't hear juicy stories if you're telling one yourself.

Make sure there are plenty of loud and aggressive persons around; they are very useful in drawing hostile fire and making you look better by comparison.

If you compare yourself with others you may figure out you're being underpaid, for always there will be those with greater and lesser skills at a** kissing than yourself.

Enjoy others' lack of achievements as well as your own successful plans.

Keep a sharp eye on your colleagues' careers, however humble, remember - it's not what you know but whom you know that matters.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery - other than your own.

But let this not blind you to what misbegotten virtues you can take advantage of; since many persons strive for high ideals, and as P.T. Barnum once said, "There's a sucker born every minute" - don't miss your opportunity.

Be the persona your boss wants to see; tell them only what they want to hear.

Especially feign affection - not everyone can stand jerks; thus, your competition will be reduced.

Be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is about as permanent as the grass; it is, however, the kind of grass that gets its green from money.

Take warily the counsel of the years; old age and treachery beats youth and skill every time.

Nurture viciousness of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune; revenge being the strongest reason for living.

Distress others with dark imaginings and plausible rumors.

Many fears are born of half-truths and their inability to network effectively, plus your control of the available knowledge.

Practice rigid self-discipline, until you can tell future employers your alleged current and target salaries without a hitch - failure to master your own emotional responses will cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars over a lifetime.

You are a highly intelligent being, of talent no less than your colleagues and supervisors; you have a right to excel without interference.

And whether or not it is clear to others, no doubt you will achieve more than they could.

Therefore be at peace with your career and background, no matter what you have made it say on your resume.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep only your goals and dreams foremost in your soul, not others'.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a world in which fortunes can be made - YOURS.

Be persistent.

Strive for knowledge without ceasing.

And don't let me catch you playing fair.

Got a problem? Try the voodoo doll!

 Are you about to be fired? Take our quiz today and find out!

 Why pay $29.95 for "helpful" and "exclusive" career advice? Here at jobfairy.com, we feel that you should pay exactly what it's worth - NOTHING. Click here to read one of the worthless documents for which others charge you out the yin-yang.


jobfairy.com  |  help@jobfairy.com  |  site map  |   |  Send us feedback!