Jobsiderata
By Shocking Pink, a Job Fairy
(With apologies to Max Ehrmann's "Desiderata")
Go stealthily amid the noise and haste, and
remember what cover there may be in not being noticed.
As far as possible, without losing sight of your
own goals, be on good terms with all persons who can help you.
Speak your truth only if you want to get canned;
and listen to others, especially the dull and ignorant; they are
usually your supervisors, plus you can't hear juicy stories if
you're telling one yourself.
Make sure there are plenty of loud and aggressive
persons around; they are very useful in drawing hostile fire and
making you look better by comparison.
If you compare yourself with others you may figure
out you're being underpaid, for always there will be those with
greater and lesser skills at a** kissing than yourself.
Enjoy others' lack of achievements as well as your
own successful plans.
Keep a sharp eye on your colleagues' careers,
however humble, remember - it's not what you know but whom you know
that matters.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the
world is full of trickery - other than your own.
But let this not blind you to what misbegotten
virtues you can take advantage of; since many persons strive for
high ideals, and as P.T. Barnum once said, "There's a sucker
born every minute" - don't miss your opportunity.
Be the persona your boss wants to see; tell them
only what they want to hear.
Especially feign affection - not everyone can
stand jerks; thus, your competition will be reduced.
Be cynical about love; for in the face of all
aridity and disenchantment, it is about as permanent as the grass;
it is, however, the kind of grass that gets its green from money.
Take warily the counsel of the years; old age and
treachery beats youth and skill every time.
Nurture viciousness of spirit to shield you in
sudden misfortune; revenge being the strongest reason for living.
Distress others with dark imaginings and plausible
rumors.
Many fears are born of half-truths and their
inability to network effectively, plus your control of the available
knowledge.
Practice rigid self-discipline, until you can tell
future employers your alleged current and target salaries without a
hitch - failure to master your own emotional responses will cost you
hundreds of thousands of dollars over a lifetime.
You are a highly intelligent being, of talent no
less than your colleagues and supervisors; you have a right to excel
without interference.
And whether or not it is clear to others, no doubt
you will achieve more than they could.
Therefore be at peace with your career and
background, no matter what you have made it say on your resume.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the
noisy confusion of life, keep only your goals and dreams foremost in
your soul, not others'.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it
is still a world in which fortunes can be made - YOURS.
Be persistent.
Strive for knowledge without ceasing.
And don't let me catch you playing fair. |
