Fake Cover Letter
Fake Resume
Fake Follow Up Letter
Really Bad Resume Advice
Fake Project Update to Boss Memo
Job Terms You Will Never See in Real Life
Jobsiderata
Geekerata
Voodoo Doll
Gee, I'm Almost Sorry
I Quit, You Loser
Of Course You're Happy With Your Salary
How A Job Fairy Resume Looks on Monster


How a Job Fairy Writes a Cover Letter

Your Name Goes Here
321 Tastycake Meadows
Windows, CE 00119
(426) 224-4324
spammesenseless@sittingduck.net

    

Month, Day, Year
XYZ Company
Address, Suite Number
City, State, Zip

Re: Employment Opportunities at XYZ Company

Dear Sir/Ma'am:

Thank you for the opportunity to apply for the position of (position goes here). I have many years of experience doing (type of position work). My only reason for living is to perform (type of position work) for the likes of you. In fact, if you do not hire me for the position of (position goes here), you will be making the biggest mistake of your weenie corporate lives. I have done (similar type of position work), another (similar type of position work), another (similar type of position work), yet another (similar type of position work), and (one more similar type of position work), which are integral to success at being an (position goes here). I have had (insert fake amount of years here) years of experience at (this position).

I am a team player who will swiftly rise to Supreme Boss In Charge Of Everything. Your lives were worthless until I showed up; I will give them meaning. Pay me unholy amounts of money and everything will be just fine. I will bring you in 50% under budget, repaint your houses, cure the heartbreak of psoriasis, and win you five Olympic gold medals. In addition, I will create such team spirit and camaraderie that any belligerent jerk bosses will be overthrown, a la the French Revolution (beheading strictly optional). You will marvel at my management genius and ooh and aah over my organization skills. You will worship the ground I walk on.

I look forward to an interview with your company at your earliest convenience. I will call you within the week to set up such a meeting. Again, I welcome the opportunity to work for such an industry leader as the XYZ Company.

Sincerely,

    

    

Loser Applicant Name Goes Here

For serious follow up letters, see Sample Thank You Notes, Sample Resignation Letter, Letter of Resignation, or Cover and Follow Up Letters.


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