The Job Fairy Writes An Apology... Sort Of
Dear ____________________,
- Mom,
- Dad,
- Love of my life,
- Assistant Principal,
- Local Police Chief,
Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your
- car
- house
- pet
- espresso maker
- left arm
was severely damaged by my
- infantile
- puerile
- inept
- comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic
- woefully underappreciated
prank. How could I have known that the
- car
- jet ski
- large helium balloon
- rodent driven sledge
- Zamboni
I was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true
that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your
- house,
- wife,
- Cub Scout troop,
- 1/16th sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete with light
bulb in the torch,
- priceless collection of Rolling Rock beer cans,
you must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent
carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to
- imagine,
- fathom,
- comprehend,
- appreciate,
- pay for,
and I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are
perfectly within your rights to
- hate me,
- sue me,
- spank me,
- take my firstborn,
- gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the fish in your
koi pond,
but I ask you to remember all the good times we've had, joshing
around at
- school
- work
- church
- the bowling alley
- the municipal jail,
and to remember that I am first and foremost your
- friend
- child
- sibling
- lease co-signer
- only possible match should you ever need a bone marrow transplant.
I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one that
- was so stupid.
- was so silly.
- would have been funny if it worked.
- you would have done, if you had thought of it first.
- I'm going to use again on someone else.
Sincerely,
Enter name here (or alias): ______________________ |
