6.27.2004

The Dachshund, the Leopard, and the Monkey

A wealthy old woman decided to go on a photo safari in Africa. She took her faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies, and before long, the dachshund discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride. A look of terror comes over him, and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. Therefore, off he goes. However, the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine". Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" Instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet. Just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says... "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

REMEMBER: IF YOU CAN'T DAZZLE THEM WITH BRILLIANCE, BAFFLE THEM WITH BULL****!

<Note from JobFairy.com: How true this is... especially in the world of work - where it is eat or be eaten...>

Memories of the Black Fairy

Sometimes people are in your life and you take them for granted, thinking they're always going to be there. Sometimes they're there for a far too brief period of time. I want to take this opportunity to thank every one of the Fairies for the way they are always there for me and for each other. Aquamarine - thank you for always telling me the truth, even when you know it's not what I'd want to hear. Green - you are always there for me in every way possible. You think for me when I can't. Leather - you're my heart and soul. Love you forever. Utter Light - no one is more loyal. I wouldn't be where I am today without you. Nightshade - thank you for being you. You're the wind beneath my wings. Teal - you're the best friend a Fairy could ever have. Don't ever change; you're wonderful the way you are. Yellow - you're a true friend and there for me through the good, the bad, and the truly weird. Flannel - I can't even begin to thank you for all you've done. Without you, this board wouldn't be possible. And last, but not least... Black - thanks for everything you've ever given me. Maybe I've learned far more from you than you have from me. Although all the Fairies are sad you are gone, they won't hurt the way Flannel and I will. There is a hole in our lives that will never be filled. If we had only known the last time we saw you that we would never see you again, we would never have let you go... I hope, wherever you are, that you somehow know how much you're loved - not just by all of us, but especially by me. I'm just not ready for this kind of goodbye... - Shocking Pink

Not On Topic At All

I was rummaging through my hard drive and found this short op/ed piece that Black did earlier this year. It's not on topic, but that's OK. It's one of the few pieces of work I have left that she did, and I treasure it, Gen-Y-ness and all.

"I, the Black Fairy, am just an intern. I know that this position doesn't really say much about me, but I am very young and having a position with all of the other experienced fairies is an honor. I never knew that I was a Job Fairy, but from the skills I have, I was inducted. I have to say that this is a something very cool, for someone as young as I am. I'm still in school! I have found out that my fairy skills have kept me out of many stupid situations. I realize things before most people. I sometimes find that I become an advice giver to my friends. I feel that that's okay though. It at least gives me a place to show off my skills.

Shocking Pink requested that I write an article for the site, and I told her that I would. I'm not quite sure what to talk about though. I'm not that good at putting thoughts together. I guess I should comment on current situations and all of that goodness, but it's mostly old news to me. I'm betting everyone's aware of the fact that the economy sucks. The Superbowl had an interesting halftime show, to say the least. We had a conversation in my Language and Composition class about that stunt. Half of the class believed that it was a stunt for Generation Y-ers and the other half of the class thought it was for the newest generation, whatever it's called. They debated for the longest time about the subject, yet most of the class agreed with me. "It was a stunt done for the current people. It wouldn't have happened if people weren't spoon-fed with this reality TV bulls***. We have made what you saw, we are our own demise. We have made this s*** on TV, because we WANTED to see it. I personally am on the side that this is all swill that needs to be gone, so we can maybe have a chance at normal shows." Reality shows aren't even reality. You don't see "Average Joe" set in Iraq, now do you? People don't die on reality shows, they don't have suffering or pain that matters. They are so caught up in their own lives that they CAN'T see anything else. No wonder all the other countries hate us, we are a**holes! So, I HAD vented my anger at today's populace, but it is our fault that you see reality crap. The next time I see a dating reality TV show, I swear I'm going to have to hurt some producers.

I know that sometimes my opinions are a little out there, but I, unlike the conformist mobs of the world, actually have one. The role models I see are total s***. I don't need to be a toothpick to get guys. Do I EVEN care? No, not really. There are so many stereotypes pressed onto people nowadays, it's sick. People shouldn't have to conform for people to like them; you should like people for who they are! I do not love my friends for them wearing cool clothes or being pretty. I like them because we found a common bond with something and became friends because of that.

Ever notice that video games are crap too. We are a society that likes violence and reality shows. Let's let our kids kill some people and have fun while doing it. We don't take human life seriously anymore. It's not funny. We treat people like entertainment. As if people HAVE to entertain us, they aren't given a choice in this matter, just told to perform. They are the modern prostitutes of media. It's horrible.

We have destroyed all of our morals, yeah morals... remember those? I do at least. I remember when things actually mattered, but that must not be so anymore. Now we are just "Media Prostitutes," whoring ourselves for the next person who barely sheds some attention on us."