12.28.2003

So, Why The Hell Should I Hire *You*?

OK, now you've got this partially filled in resume staring back at you. Nothing has ever seemed more challenging. Your mind is drawing a blank. Well, that's what we're here for. We're going to start to help you make order out of the chaos. Aren't you glad? And you've got two weeks to do it. We probably shouldn't tell you this, but if you run over, you can cannibalize time from the next two sections, because neither of them are likely to take you two weeks apiece. And then the spring hiring frenzy starts. Whee!

For every job you have ever held, we want you to list (in chronological order if you can manage it), the company name, your title (functional description, not exact title if it doesn't give much of a clue), the dates worked there (year to year), a list of at least 10 things that you were responsible for, and a list of at least 10 things that you accomplished. (See http://www.jobfairy.com/getting_started.htm, Experience Section, and http://www.jobfairy.com/fill_in_template.htm#Experience). Once you've got all this information down (probably best to do it on a separate piece of paper), leave it alone for a day. Then come back to it and see if you can fill in any more accomplishments under any of the positions. It's OK at this point if some of the positions don't support your current career goal. We can edit the list down later. Go through your list and copy any technical terms to your large skills list at the end of the resume. Re-alphabetize if necessary. Now go back through your bullet points with these issues in mind: Did I save the company any money by doing this? How much, total? (Now work that fact into the bullet point.) Did I save the company any time? Did I improve efficiency? Was this project deployed on time? Under budget? How much under budget? If it's a small company and small amount, use percentages. If it's a huge company and a multi-million dollar project, throw them numbers around! That kind of stuff looks good. You want things like, "Increased sales by over 50%", "Decreased calls on hold time by 95%", or "Deployed software application into enterprise multi-platform environment three weeks early, with no reported bugs; under budget by $2,500,000.00". Bullet points like these are sure to get a hiring manager's attention. (See also http://www.jobfairy.com/accomplishments.htm.)

Now you're at the point where you think you can start putting it all together. (See http://www.jobfairy.com/all_about_resumes.htm.) Figure out what kind of job you are going for, approximately. Then delete any of the jobs you've held that don't fit into that category. For instance, you're going for a job as a senior Java programmer. You'd want to eliminate the 18 months you spent stocking shelves at Mega Uber Compu Store. You will also delete any jobs older than 10 years. (Which will probably eliminate most of those irrelevant positions). Since it's about to be 2004, that means you list nothing before 1994. This is not a full disclosure document; it's a resume. You're writing a brochure - an ad. No need to go into too much detail. Remember this mantra, once you get the extraneous jobs and too-old positions winnowed out, "I have no problems. I cause no problems. I solve your problems."¹ Every bullet point you write, every sentence in your resume, should support this somehow. Now you've got a somewhat choppy list, but that's OK. Start realigning the jobs. If you worked for a whole bunch of different companies while you were a contractor, consolidate those positions as one job - under the agency's name. You're going for job listings that show longevity in position. Never mind that you're in IT and that staying too long in any position is poison. Hiring managers love to see that you've stayed in a position for at least two years. Conversely, you worked for a temp agency for 3 years, but it was a long-term assignment for a really name brand client. State the client as your employer, and put down your functional title. In the interview, if they ask, then you can disclose that you were a contractor. However, don't ever tell another company, especially another agency, what agency put you at what company. That can undermine the agency that placed you there - and you want them to be inclined and able to place you at further assignments - with that client or others. So don't blab.

Now that you've got the positions combined and lengthened to best advantage, make sure the dates don't gap. Since you're using years, not specific dates or even months, this is fairly easy. I won't insult your intelligence by telling you how to do this. However, if you do find it challenging, you can cheat by looking at the screenshot to your left. Clicking on it will take you to one of the resume section screen shots.

From there, it's a simple matter to transfer this information into your resume and put in its respective place in the template. Don't forget that the company name is bolded, the title is italicized, and the dates are left plain (year to year). Take all the sentences, drop the last period, and make them into bullet points. Take out phrases such as "responsible for" and "accomplished". Use action verbs where possible. Eliminate all the extra "the"s. Make each sentence have punch. Run spell check (with grammar). Then highlight each section of bullet points, and alphabetize them. Hey - it's starting to look good! Again, leave the resume alone for a day or two. When you come back to it, you'll see things you left out. Add them into the applicable section, and don't forget to run spell check and re-alphabetize the bullet points. It creates an impression of mental agility and organization, whether you really have it or not. Once you've completed this, you've gotten the most difficult part of the resume over with. The next two sections will be a piece of cake, comparatively. I'll bet you can't wait to get started!

I have a jerk boss or colleague. Management does nothing about it. Why?

Wow, I can't believe it!

Hiring numbers are persistently, consistently up. This is no anomaly - companies are really starting to hire. I've never seen hiring numbers this high so close to Christmas. Wow. Now, it's not all unbridled euphoria - there are still some things that cause me concern. Numbers are up, but not where I'd like them to be yet. Probably this will happen in the spring. They've caught Saddam, but not Osama. Moreover, no one even wants to acknowledge that Kim Jong-Il is sitting on a humongous pile of nukes. For all of Saddam and Osama's atrocities, none of them involved nuclear weaponry (yet). In addition, they may be murderous xenophobes, but they're "sane" murderous xenophobes. North Korea's leader is several tacos short of a combination plate by anyone's reckoning - even his own people's. Hello, anyone paying attention? Now, that's what I'd call a threat. The current administration is going to have to create a lot more jobs real soon in order to do well at the polls. As many Iraqis have pointed out, Saddam's capture isn't going to pay their bills. Too bad the Iraqis hate us so much - sometimes, I really like the way they think...

What *Not* To Put On Your Resume

1. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet pogroms."
2. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
9. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
10. "Marital status: single.  Unmarried.  Unengaged.  Uninvolved.  No commitments."
11. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
12. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs.  Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
13. "My goal is to be a meteorologist.  But since I possess no training in Meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
14. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
15. "Personal interests: donating blood.  Fourteen gallons so far."
16. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
17. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as "job-hopping". I have never quit a job."
18. "Marital status: often.  Children: various."
19. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
20. "Finished eighth in class of ten."
21. "References: none.  I've left a path of destruction behind me."

Jobless Claims Drop More Than Expected

1. Taken from a quote by Challenger, Gray, & Christmas from an article by Bob Lewis