9.21.2003
Vacation, UnplannedWe (speaking for most of the Job Fairies) don't usually take time off. But last week, it was one dang thing after another. First, there were hosting problems; they cut the OC-3 connection close to where the hosting company is. Ouch. Therefore, the whole backbone of the hosting company went down for two plus hours. If there was redundancy (which they warble about endlessly in their promotional materials), we sure didn't see it. We're in the middle of searching for better hosting; we think we have a couple of good candidates. The new hosting will allow us to use PHP; we'll be able to cut costs in half and expand our capabilities.
Then there were the local connection problems. For inexplicable reasons, my ISP goes up and down. When the weather blows major chunks, the connection works. When the weather is perfect, I can be sure my connection will drop. During Broncos games, I can get darn near to 3 MB speeds without even having to pay for that. Go figure. In addition, I am tired of the battles. Thank goodness it's a different provider for each of the services - hosting, registration, e-mail, ISP, phone line - I'd be so screwed if I'd put all my eggs in one basket.
And then, I'm mentally tired. We all are. Some of the Fairies just got laid off, or have been off for a while, and are now just getting back to work. Or they are in full search mode. In addition, we're working on a new software product, so time we might have devoted to articles now goes to technical architecture documents and requirements. And for those of us working... They expect more bricks made than ever before, and we now have to fetch our own straw. It's not easy to keep up such an effort while bringing you fresh new field reports every week.
This last week has been emotionally trying. It's the second anniversary of the September 11 attacks. In some ways, this anniversary is harder than the last one. As with any other great trauma, people think you "should be over" things by the second year. However, that's when the community support has dropped off. You're more on your own at that point. Moreover, you're asking yourself - what's wrong with me? Why am I not over this yet? It's been two years; why can't I move forward? Well, you can move forward. You will move forward. When it's time. You will be able to. You have to process your way through all the grief. Give yourself permission! In addition, when you're done with all your grief, then give yourself permission to have a life again, to enjoy and live life fully. It's out there waiting for you. However, never beat yourself up over where you are in the grieving process. It's like software development. It takes the amount of time it takes to do it right the first time. You can't shorten that; you can't add people to make it go even faster. Accept that it is what it is. Live with that; through that, and then to the next stage. And know that there are many people out there, people you may not even know exist - and they are pulling for you. As Red Green says, "We're all in this together".
It's not easy to get back in there, back in the fight, week after week. However, you could be helping someone, and you don't even know it. If our efforts help even one person's career to be less hellish - we've done what we set out to do. Moreover, it will be worth it. And I had a couple of really good margaritas tonight; now it's on to my new job tomorrow. Sure, this position is going to suck. I'm blessed with already knowing that going in. And what I experience in there is going to benefit someone out here who I may never meet. I think it's gonna be all right...!
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