5.18.2003

"Mother's Position & Job Description" (Happy Mother's Day from everyone at The Job Fairy!)

POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.  Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.  Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities.  Travel expenses not reimbursed.  Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.  Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 or more.  Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.  Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.  Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.  Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.  Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.  Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.  Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.  Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.  Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none.  Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can, ultimately, surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required.  On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this: you pay them!  Offering frequent raises and bonuses.  A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.  When you die, you give them whatever is left.  The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and then wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Please, PLEASE tell me I didn't match another job!

XXXXXXXXX -- Operations Tech III

Company: Qwest Communication Corporate
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This is NOT an IT position.  It is a telecommunication's technician position.
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0%26nbsp%3BMonitors%20network%20operations%20and%20resolves%20moderately%20c omplex%20customer%20trouble%20issues.%26nbsp%3B%20Uses%20software%20and%20ha rdware%20tools%20to%20identify%20and%20diagnose%20network%20troubles%3B%20co nducts%20moderately%20complex%20maintenance%20activities%3B%26nbsp%3Band%20r esolves%20moderately%20complex%20trouble%20tickets.%26nbsp%3B%20Makes%20freq uent%20status%20updates%20in%20trouble%20ticketing%20system%20and%20statuses %20customers%20by%20phone%2C%20e-mail%20or%20other%20means.%3CBR%3E%26nbsp%3 B%26nbsp%3B%26nbsp%3B%26nbsp%3B%26nbsp%3B%26nbsp%3B%20Qwest%20is%20an%20equa l%20opportunity%20employer.%20Any%20offer%20of%20employment%20is%20contingen t%20upon%20the%20results%20of%20a%20pre-employment%20drug%20test%20and%20bac kground%20check.'))); Works on demand maintenance trouble tickets switched and transport networks.  Monitors network operations and resolves moderately complex customer trouble issues.  Uses software and hardware tools to identify and diagnose network troubles; conducts moderately complex maintenance activities; and resolves moderately complex trouble tickets.  [... removed a whole bunch of correctly spelled stuff that wasn't garble.]  Any offer of employment is contingent upon the results of a pre-employment drug test and background check. <except, of course, for the author of said position ad...> Please note that this job posting will no longer be available for submissions after Fri May 23 00:00:00 CDT 2003. <Thank goodness.>

What I Learned This Week:

• Sunday: that leaving early to spend time with your family is always a good decision.
• Monday: that if a company respects their employees, they'll lay them off on a Monday afternoon so that they had a good weekend behind them and the rest of the week to work on things, but if they don't respect their employees, they'll lay them off on a Thursday or Friday afternoon so as to have gotten all the work out of them that they can.
• Tuesday: that you get so much more done if you work from home.
• Wednesday: that few things feel better than avoiding pointless, time-wasting meetings.
• Thursday: that the power of women is limitless; from the ability of a deceased friend to teach me lessons about love, the importance of family, and a new recipe - at her own funeral, to the strength of her mother in standing before the entire congregation, singing her daughter one last lullaby… without tears. That in the end, it's your family that counts the most… and your friends. That even if your mom lives in a terribly remote area of the country, there's always an online e-tailer that can send her flowers on Mother's Day. That the application you hate working with because it's awkward and temperamental could actually turn out to be a valuable and lucrative future career direction. That there are opportunities to learn and to teach in everything we do, everywhere we go.
• Friday: that people always want to believe that things are going to be OK, even when the facts don't support that conclusion. That skylights cannot withstand a 15-foot section of tree crashing down on them in heavy snow.
• Saturday: that a birthday party full of sixteen year olds can still have fun playing with toys, just being kids, and that even though they can drive at that point, they still want an adult to steer them in the right direction.

It was a pretty good week.