3.30.2003
And now for something on the lighter side..."An Honest Job Application"*
*Note: Thanks to Joke Du Jour and Ms. Kitty for this one!
As Randy was working on re-spinning his resume this past week, he realized that we're never quite truthful on resumes and job applications. We try to make ourselves look as good as possible, usually better than we really are. So today, Randy thought he'd fill out a job application the way he wants to rather than the way he should...
- NAME: Randy Allen
- DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
- DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
- EDUCATION: Yup.
- LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.
- SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
- MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collections of hubcaps and beer bottles.
- REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
- HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
- PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
- DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
- MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
- DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
- DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"
- HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner in the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
- DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
- WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
- DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
- SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.
Serenity and ConflictHere in Colorado, we have had a record snowstorm that has kept all of us Fairies indoors for the past several days. None of us have been able to venture out past our driveways until the end of this past week, and most of us couldn't even work from home due to power, phone, or cable outages. Therefore, if we were able, we watched the start of the latest military encounter on TV. It was a contrast more surreal than ironic. Here we were, with our respective spouses and children, enjoying a week of family togetherness (even if involuntary, still welcome), free of interruption or outside visitors. Yet, due to the presence of the embedded press, the battle was in our very living rooms. Serenity and hushed quiet withal; conflict and destruction within. Although we will be coming back to work on Monday, will our concerns and images of a dispute half a world away be left behind when we walk out that door? Other than a laptop and some week-old paperwork, what else will we bring with us when we return?
Whether you agree with this military action or not, the war in Iraq creates upheaval and leaves great chaos in its wake. Its effect is unmistakable; the instability of the financial markets, the uncertainty in corporate spending and hiring, the layoffs (or threat of) in light of reduced need for certain products and services. Whatever our reasons were for entering the fray, our need and our hope is to survive it. All of us Fairies send their positive energy and warmest wishes to those affected by this situation. And never forget that we are all in this together.
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